I need someone to rant to and I feel like this is the best place to do it.
So, school started again a couple of weeks ago and obviously, being the overthinker that I am, I began brainstorming what the next few years of my life would look like.
I graduate in 2 years (holy shit!) and I love the Uni life, but sometimes it terrifies me. Ever since sophmore year of high school, I’ve been creating scenarios and writing stories as to how amazing my life would be once I go to University, and honetsly, it’s not at all what I imagined. Of course there comes freedom and fun but sometimes I hate it. I hate that choices are not made for me like they were in high school; I hate how the so-called ‘fun’ is just a bunch of frat parties where people act like dumber versions of themselves from highschool. I avoided going to highschool parties for a reason and even in Uni, I’m doing the same thing.
It terrifies me to think that in a couple of years I will be forced to take reality by the horns and find myself a job, a house, a spouse…On the one hand, I think about it and I get extremely excited to finally start living my life. I’m excited to rent out a penthouse with my best friend and decorate it according to the season and cook dinner every night, and have wine and cheese nights, and go on dates and be my own boss at work, and find myself the perfect man (I watch too many youtube videos and read one too many books); but on the other hand, I’ve been in school my whole life and it’s the only I know. What if I don’t find a good enough job and can’t pay for my rent? Or realize that I hate my job, or never find someone who wants to spend the rest of their life loving me like I love them?
It just scares me to think that I need to be ready for all of this, when I’m not even close right now.